There’s an eldritch horror 

Working in finance

But he gives good advice

If you’re brave enough

To descend to the 13th Floor

And knock on his door

Coffee flooding across the threshold

With tired apologies

No, come in, please. Ignore the pentagrams

Was just trying to summon Dave

But he’s possessed elsewhere

Take a pew. What can I do for you?

He wears a tie and fancy suit

Of flesh

To hide the tentacles

Made of no one you’d know

Although…

You haven’t seen Clive in a while.

Mortgages are more his thing

And he loves Excel

Claire once heard him crooning 

#REF! #NULL! #REF! #NULL!

All worship the Chaotic Master

Offerings of biscuit crumbs and morning bagels

As the Old Gods curse in dial-up

Tortured fax screaming.

He makes pivot charts look sexy

Forecasting too.

He offers a thin-lipped smile

If you suggest something despicable

Like death by acronym 

A terrible WTG.

But ask him about pensions

And he’s your man…

…abomination

We don’t really notice anymore

And when I asked for a date

He was at least polite enough

To refuse and explain

That he already ate.

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Zoe Davis is an emerging writer and artist from Sheffield, England. She studied English Literature at Lancaster University and writes in a number of styles and genres. When she is not writing, Zoe can be found drawing, baking, and playing para ice hockey- just not at the same time. You can follow her on Twitter @MeanerHarker where she is always happy to have a virtual coffee and a chat.