TW/CW: r*pe

we decide 43 is a good number,

enough things to want to do before we die

“I don’t think I’ll live past 25 anyway,” I say

“It's just a feeling.”

      1. Redacted stuff under here

     2. Adasdasdasdasdasd

     3. kiss in the rain - I have that one on mine too she whispers, and we giggle, each

             other’s best kept secret

      4. be beautiful when i grow up

      5. Kalsjdklasjdkasl;dj;as;djaslkdjkalsd;jasa;kdj

      6. Asdkj;asd

      7. Aksjdkalsjdalsjd;sdja;slkdjkasjad;

      8. love someone who doesn’t love me back     - that’s so sad, but why?

    I tell her that if I’m going to be a writer one day I’ll have to experience real heartache or no one will take me seriously. She reminds me of this at sixteen when my boyfriend dumped me, at eighteen after getting r**ed, she does not remind me of this at twenty-seven when she messages me drunk on Instagram and tells me that she still loves me and I tell her that I don’t.

       9. asdasdasdasdasdasdasdasasdasdasdasdas

       10. be quoted, even if they don’t know remember my name

       11. go to New York

       12. become a vegetarian

-----------------------------------------

Bleah Patterson (she/her) was born and raised in Texas. Former evangelical, former homeschooler, former journalist, she believes in honoring every iteration of herself. She is a poet who sometimes writes prose, she explores generational and religious trauma, and is a current MFA candidate at Sam Houston State University. For what it’s worth, her mother says she’s a bad daughter but a good writer. Her work has been published or is forthcoming in The Brazos River Review; The Texas Review; the tide rises, the tide falls; The Hyacinth Review; and elsewhere.